Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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