i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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