I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
