He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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