you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
