She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
