Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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