ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
