WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
