Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
