Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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