so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.