How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here