Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.

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  (714): we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180. http://tfl.nu/lfvw
  Replies (11) Good night (3965) Bad night (676)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.

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  (573): worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar. http://tfl.nu/lxl8
  Replies (20) Good night (1087) Bad night (5520)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.

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  (561): i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching. http://tfl.nu/cq5g
  Replies (43) Good night (1235) Bad night (5218)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.

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  (304): Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/d61m
  Replies (18) Good night (5395) Bad night (725)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (18311) Bad night (1229)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.

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  (360): He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one. http://tfl.nu/lrzn
  Replies (9) Good night (7092) Bad night (1079)
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  (716): View more from New York

  She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met

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  (716): She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met http://tfl.nu/xjfv
  Replies (10) Good night (857) Bad night (4691)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.

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  (513): I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen. http://tfl.nu/9jnz
  Replies (19) Good night (5339) Bad night (1026)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.

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  (218): Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job. http://tfl.nu/z804
  Replies (12) Good night (1055) Bad night (3911)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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  (859): she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery? http://tfl.nu/4aiq
  Replies (24) Good night (6546) Bad night (911)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?

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  (306): Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out? http://tfl.nu/y1by
  Replies (5) Good night (2532) Bad night (650)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.

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  (508): i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light. http://tfl.nu/7bfn
  Replies (7) Good night (590) Bad night (1140)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  She looks like a beluga.

  (954): View more from Florida

  I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"

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  (941): She looks like a beluga. (954): I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched" http://tfl.nu/1qo8
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (400)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  .....fair enough

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  (419): it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong? (1-419): .....fair enough http://tfl.nu/x8b2
  Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (281)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth

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  (339): I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth http://tfl.nu/gmqm
  Replies (0) Good night (320) Bad night (130)

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