matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.