She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.