Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY