I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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