We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
