If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
