From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
