But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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