No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize