It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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