Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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