Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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