Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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