So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
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I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma