I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.