his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.