You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
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I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."