so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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