How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
