Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
