how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize