we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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