Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS