i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it