I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!