Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across