last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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