I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
