soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
