Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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