...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
