i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
