I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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