He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
