If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I faked an abortion last night.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
