Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
