let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
