The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
