just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
