About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
