Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
