Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
