This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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