closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
