I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
