dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Rumble strips road head = magical
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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