i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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