Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
