Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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