Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
time to smoke my breakfast
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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