I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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