You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize