imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
