Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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