So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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