make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh god it's open bar.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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