yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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