remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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