miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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