He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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